I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
