shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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