the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He better not be in your backpack
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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