I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
