Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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