his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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