the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
