Will you blow on my dice?
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
