alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize