you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
