I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
