i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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