So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
