Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
