that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
