I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
