I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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