I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
