no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
