got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
