She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
