Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
