im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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