Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
