I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
