they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
