Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
