everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
