Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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