I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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