JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
