Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
