She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
