You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
