This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
