What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize