The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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