i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
