I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
