she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
