at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
