just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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