I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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