she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
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The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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