JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
