sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
