You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
