Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize
