You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
