why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
