just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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