I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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