Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
