Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
