I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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