why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
