Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
