Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
