I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
