There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
