im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Drunk is not a location!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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