Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
