my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
