You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
