But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
