Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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