Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Soap is not a condiment
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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