you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
