it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
