I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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