just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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