Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(716): View more from New York

there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.

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17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(605): View more from South Dakota

you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar

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(50): View more from

I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.

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(708): View more from Illinois

worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?

(630): View more from Illinois

...I don't remember telling you about that but yes

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