i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Randomize
