Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
