I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
