Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
