I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
