his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
