I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
