Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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